People who develop compassion for themselves have more understanding toward others, and that makes them more popular in their society. The simple formula of happiness is a result of comprehensive research of people with a strong feeling of the community, just like Mexicans and Nigerians. Do you know why they are on top of the scale of the most optimistic and the most satisfied people? Well, they are not inclined to seclusion. You can imitate their habits and organize parties more often, even if those are unambitious dinners for a few lovely people. While doing so, try to serve some nice meals including chicken meat, fish, bananas, and milk. This foodstuff is rich in tyrosine, an amino acid which participates in synthesizing dopamine or neurotransmitter that regulates the centers for remuneration and pleasure.
1. Low expectations
If you take your experiences into consideration, as well as the experiences of your relatives, you will soon become aware that you have more chance for failure than for success in your life. Therefore, according to psychologist Martin Seligman who is the author of the popular publication named “Authentic Happiness,” the last thing you should do is fall into desperation. Failure is a part of the life of every human being. In fact, it is a huge lesson. Failure is sometimes necessary for every individual. It is okay to feel sad, anxious, and grievous periodically. If you constantly suppress bad feelings, you will hardly feel good. Since we live in an aggressive culture of current pleasure, we believe that we should always be happy, and we get mad every time we fail in this. “The secret of happiness are indeed low expectations,“ says Barry Schwartz, the author of “The Paradox of Choice.”
2. Traps of free choice
According to Barry Schwartz, the increase of emotional disorders was due to too much choice which creates two additional negative consequences. Not only such situations can cause paralysis and chronic indecision, but when you finally opt for one particular option, you actually become less satisfied. By choosing one thing, you are likely to start thinking about other options that you have possibly missed. There are plenty of options to take into consideration when making a decision. Communication via social networks encourages social comparison which often decreases the satisfaction with your achievements. We set high standards, and we want every decision is the best possible at the moment, regardless of whether it is a purchase of jeans or choosing a profession. When it comes to emotional plan, your choices always seem incredibly urgent. We are wondering is that a real human being? Does a particular thing make you really happy, or you should wait for a better chance?
3. Negative mentality and addictions
The fear of discomfort and embarrassment together with disastrous predictions can lead you to addictions. You do not eat too much chocolate, and you do not drink too much just because you enjoy doing so, but rather because you want to change your emotional condition at all costs. In the meantime, you do not think about the fact that by changing your attitudes and expectations, you could eventually achieve much better and long-term satisfaction and happiness. For instance, it is enough to mention the experience from the first live date after texting through online dating platforms. During the chat, you can develop several romantic ideals that get completely destroyed by live date and meeting the reality. Disappointment that you feel after the date does not have to do much with that particular person, but it is rather based on your impossibility to achieve ideals that we dreamed about. You may think like “If he or she is at least a little bit funnier and ambitious…” Unfortunately, other people are rarely as nature as you would like them to be.
4. Two desirable options
According to Professor Seligman, in order to take the road of happiness, you should develop your own ability of appreciation. Instead of doubting over everything we believe we lack, for a change we can begin to raise awareness of everything good that you have, starting from a nice day and the fact that you still have your sweet home and people who care about you, but you take them for granted. When it comes to other people, Professor Seligman suggests that you should start helping them. Only when you connect with others, you will become comfortable with yourself. It is evident, particularly in moments of devastating natural disasters and similar catastrophes, but the selfless spirit of community and helping usually gets left in peacetime conditions. Altruistic behavior is not necessarily selflessly behavior. In many cases, there are both visible and invisible prizes. Prosaically behavior is largely conditioned by rewards and costs.
5. Flexibility of human nature
People have been so steeped in the myth of happiness that every indication of comfort forces them to fall in catastrophic thinking and belief that they will not be able to handle it. Of course, we can handle everything, just as we always did before in our lives. Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert, the author of the bestseller "Stumbling on Happiness," believes that we often overestimate the impact of both good and bad things that could happen to us. Thereby, we forget the amazing flexibility of human nature. Let’s say that we believe that the loss of job will completely and forever destroy us, although we feel like slaves in our workplace. Once we lose the job, we soon realize that it is actually not the worst thing in the world, and nothing bad have not happened to us. The same discovery astonishes lottery winners. They are initially ecstatic, but then they simply adjust to a new normality and thus discover that they are actually the same person. When they solve their financial problems, they figure out that they are in lack of love, sex, and sometimes even money. “The only way to overcome overestimating and underestimating the influence of good and bad things that could possibly happen to us, is to activate the rational reasoning,” says psychologist Daniel Gilbert. Even when you do not get what you wanted, your psychological immune system will allow you to remain truly happy.
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